Kickin' & Screamin'

I recently helped a friend rescue a couple of feral cats. We got them fixed–a tiny step in attempting to help with the feral cat overpopulation–then took them to their new home with a great family. The whole thing made me feel really good….doing a small thing to help out in a big world. But let me backtrack just a bit. These cats….a sweet couple that truly seemed to be in love (which is quite mind boggling to me, actually…..do cats fall in love? You’d have to see the way the boy cat looks at the girl cat to understand…), anyway–these cats had produced several litters in the past…with the most recent one being only weeks before. My friend Dana caught two of the kittens–while the third disappeared. I have convinced myself that the third scuttled through the woods and found an amazing family to live with forever and ever (yeah, yeah….I know. I’m quite the pollyanna). Dana found a home for one of the remaining kittens, which left one. One tiny-faced little gray tabby cat, small enough to sit in the palm of your hand.

So, I got the big idea that I was going to foster this kitten until she was big enough to get fixed, then she would go to live with the same family that took in her parents, whom Dana had now named Baby Daddy and Mamacita. **So yes–those of you who know me well are now shaking your head and laughing over the fact that I honestly thought that I could FOSTER…keeping this little kitten whose face was no bigger than a silver dollar, care for her and love her, then GIVE HER TO SOMEONE ELSE. Go ahead….keep laughing. I get it. But the thing is…I wanted to be “that person.” I still do. I want to be someone who can foster an animal ONLY until it is big enough, strong enough and healthy enough to go to its forever home. Yep.

As I’m sure you’ve assumed by now….I still have that kitten. I named her “Foster”–(clever, right?), and yep….she’s not going anywhere. I think I might have been able to do it if her face hadn’t been so tiny and if her eyes hadn’t been so big. I’m serious. Don’t laugh. But the truth is–I failed. I’m what the rescue community calls a “foster failure.” That ball of fluff is sitting on my shoulder right now as I type….as all of my many other rescues are scattered around the room, snoozing….occasionally stretching or moving to a spot of sunshine reflected on to the floor. I’m a sucker. And in this particular situation…..a failure.

This whole thing has had me thinking a lot about our failures. We all have many, no doubt–all throughout life. Some are small, some are so big that it changes everything. What matters, of course, is how we handle that failure. What we learn. What we take away from it. What we allow it to take from us–or not take from us.

I’ve certainly survived more failures in my life than my recently failed attempt at fostering a kitten. I’ve failed at personal goals, relationships, projects, diets….I even failed world history in high school. Even worse– I failed the vision test when I went to get my drivers learners permit (a teenagers nightmare, right?). From that experience I learned that I was extrememly near sighted and never realized that I was actually supposed to be able to read all those signs on the side of the road. I just assumed they were blurry to everyone else, too. Every other failure has taught me something. Perhaps I learned that I had set my goals too high. Perhaps I learned that the task at hand was simply too hard for me on that particular day–no matter how hard I tried and how stubborn I am. Perhaps I learned to stop beating myself up…to be thankful for the progress I made, and not consider it a failure just because I didn’t make it all the way to the top of the mountain. Sometimes I had to ask for help–which, by the way–is one of the hardest things in the world for me to do. Sometimes I had to throw away my first, second, or tenth attempt and just keep starting over. Perhaps I had to change my plan completely. Perhaps MY plan wasn’t God’s plan.

Some failures will scar us so bad that we could try for days to think of something positive that came from the failure–never able to think of a thing. Other failures will leave us thankful–SO happy that things didn’t work out the way we had hoped. This brings to mind that popular saying that hung on my refrigerator until it it fell apart: “I thank God for protecting me from what I thought I wanted and blessing me with what I didn’t know I needed.” It was printed on blue paper, hanging there by a magnet for years and years. So many times I took it off the fridge and just held it. Cried with it. A beautiful reminder that many of my “failures” were not failures at all in His eyes. To me, it seemed as though I had failed. To Him, I was simply on the wrong path.

Today I will fail. I probably won’t eat as healthy as I planned to when I woke. I won’t get all of the laundry done that I think I’m going to. I won’t make as much progress as I want to on my projects around the house. I probably won’t cross much off of my “to do” list. And lord knows I won’t succeed in helping my daughter with her math homework.

But all of those failures are so small. So trivial. Makes me thankful. So thankful. There are many around me who are suffering through failures that seem bigger than life to them right now. Failed marriages. Failed friendships. Failed careers. Failed relationships with children. Failed goals that will change their life in ways they never imagined. The fact that I couldn’t give a cat away? Wow….that’s so tiny. Deeper thought really puts that in to perspective.

What we all must remember is that NO failure…big or small, is allowed to defeat us. Keep on keeping on.

I’ll try to foster again someday….and I’ll try big, huge things too. I’ll fail (“at the fostering“, you’re thinking…right?). But, I’ll also succeed…at other stuff. So will you. No one is exempt from failure. But we’re ALL capable of continuing to TRY. I don’t care how cliche it sounds… we must keep on keeping on. Daily. Hourly.

Robert F. Kennedy was quoted as saying  “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” Hmmm….I think I’ve found my new refridgerator quote.

Let’s pray for those who are failing. No matter how small. For, small to us could be huge to them.

Pray for their survival, as many feel as though they won’t survive. Pray for strength. Pray that they take something with them that they can hold on to….perhaps a lesson learned, a bit of courage to try again. Maybe the failure they are crying over today is not a failure at all…but just the pain of God picking them up from one path and putting them on another. As many of us know, that can hurt.

Godspeed to you all….and here’s hoping that we all succeed at something great today.

Now, time to cuddle with this cat. 🙂