When I get discouraged, I always try to gather my thoughts enough to put down some words…for writing tends to calm me, and who doesn’t need a little calming during these trying days? Any other blogger in their right mind would no doubt try to focus their thoughts on the current state of our nation. But I’m afraid that the hatred and violence that currently abounds has left me pretty speechless…which doensn’t happen often. All I know to do is pray. I’m praying for the families of those who have been killed, who are suffering, and who are discriminated against daily…on a level that most of us can’t even imagine. I’m praying for those who live in fear. For those who live in fear every day–not just on the days when something so terrible happens that the nation begins to riot…but even on the somewhat peaceful days…they still suffer in fear. In silence. I’m praying for the police officers around our country….for, one man’s despicable actions do not reflect the character of them all. So, I’m praying. Hard. I’m praying for my teenage daugher’s future…as I ache for her to have a wonderful life, in a country that should bring her amazing opportunites, love, and a feeling of security and peace. But this will only happen if everyone does their part. Everyone. Including you, and including me.
I think we all feel a level of sadness right now….some more than others, no doubt–but I can’t imagine anyone being callous enough to simply feel nothing. What makes it even worse, is that on top of the craziness that’s affecting our nation as a whole….we all have our personal battles, that seem to be the “cherry on top” of the big bowl of chaos.
Our cherry on top fell hard today, and splattered the yucky sadness all over the place. Our sweet cat Cosmo died. He was only five years old, and he was the one cat that proved that not all cats are weird, unpredictable asses. He was sweet. A sweet soul in the body of a cat. A rare find that I once never thought possible. He loved to be held. His eyes were huge and full of life. He loved my daughter unbelievably. Yep…a cat. Loved a human. It happened. All the people who dislike cats would have completely changed their attitude towards felines if they could have spent ten minutes with Cosmo. I guarantee it.
Cats usually live a long time. Cosmo would have been nine years old when Ella graduated high school. She always said that her hope was to live in a cat-friendly apartment when she went to college so that Cosmo could go with her. She had plans with this cat. Her plans died today.
The thing with the human heart is…. pain is pain. Heartache is heartache. Our heart doesn’t work on a scale of one to ten. When our hearts feel broken for any reason, it hurts. It all hurts. The murder of innocent people hurts. Watching news coverage of riots and lootings and violence that will solve NOTHING hurts. This damn pandemic hurts. The death of our cat hurts. Most of 2020 has hurt.
The passing of Cosmo has brought to mind that we all hurt, in our own ways. Almost all of you have a “cherry on top” going on, most likely, that the rest of us don’t even know about. Something personal–something that you might fear that others would deem “small and unimportant” compared to the state of our world. But to you–it’s huge. It’s personal. Like Cosmo was to us. And it hurts.
Maybe you’re experiencing a physical hurt, maybe a heartache for the violence you woke up to read about this morning. Maybe you have a sick loved one, maybe you are sick yourself. Maybe you’re just depressed. Maybe you just miss going out to eat and shopping and going to the movies and doing whatever you want to do without fear. Maybe you just miss that loved one you haven’t seen in weeks, in fear of violating social distancing. Maybe you’re just angry because you hate 2020 and you want a do-over.
Maybe your cat died.
Heartache hurts like hell. Physically, human hearts are pretty much all the same. Some are smaller, larger, weaker, scarred and damaged….but for the most part…they’re the same as they do their job–however well–pumping blood through our bodies. They all hurt. No matter your color, your race, your sex, your age, your religion, your ethnic origin…..our hearts are the same. Sure, some people seem to have NO heart, from their actions, from their words, and from their hate. But even those people have a heart. Though it seems nonexistent…it’s in there, pumping just like ours. And if God allows justice to be served, they may–one day, in time– feel the heartache that they’ve been too cold and paralyzed to feel thus far in their miserable existence.
My prayer for all is that love will win.
My prayer is that our nation will heal. Like an open wound that hurts beyond belief….but suddenly starts to heal. Suddenly starts to hurt a little less. Look a little better. Feel a little better. Then before long, all that’s left is a scar. It’s tender to the touch….like a reminder of what was once there…
We’re definitely earning more scars here lately. But the good news is–we all have room left for a few more scars. Some of us have less room than others…some of us are already covered in more scars than we ever dreamed of –but there’s room for a few more. And each one will hopefully make us stronger, and make us thankful that we healed up enough to be left with nothing but a scar…and perhaps the memories of the pain that led to the scar to start with.
I pray for peace. I pray for harmony. I pray for laughter…
I pray for love. I pray for forgiveness. I pray for unity….
I pray that happy times will outnumber the sad times…
I pray that LOVE will heal our wounds….
…and we can live, scars and all, in peace.
I pray that we gather up lots of love and happiness to store in our hearts…so that the next heartache will be a bit more bearable than the last.
God bless you all….
God bless the memory of our Cosmo…
God bless my crying child…
God bless all of you who are hurting….
HOLD ON a bit longer….and the wound will heal.
Then, show off your scar….be proud that you earned it. You earned it through survival. And you’ll do it again.
Run free, Cosmo. If there are squirrels in heaven, go chase one for me…
Kickin' & Screamin' 